Weekend Post #28: Luke Skywalker is a Gay, Captain Kirk is Not
Last week I published a post about Slate.com article, Luke Skywalker is a Gay. I didn’t read the article, only it’s headline, which I assumed described what was in it. (I am not in the habit of reading articles that have the word Skywalker in their headline.) However, thanks to the suggestions of many I Hate Star Wars Club members, I actually did read the article and was horrified at what I found there. Luke Skywalker and his frequent gay trysts with Han Solo, Lando Calrissian, Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, Chewbacca, C-3PO, Yoda, Uncle Owen, Jawas, Obi Wan Kenobi, and those weird fish-headed aliens was only mentioned briefly in the article. Primarily, the article focused on a fictional and blasphemous love affair between Captain James T. Kirk and Mr. Spock. It even included an extremely disturbing image of the two characters in bed together. I would advise young impressionable children and delicate females to not click this link.
Under the guise of investigating the immensely popular trend of fan fiction, the Star Wars goons at Slate.com graphically described a scenario in which Kirk and Spock become lovers when stranded on a deserted planet. They claim that this scenario is popular among fan fiction writers and that it has spawned an entire genre of gay-themed fan fiction, called Slash. As I prolific writer of Star Trek fan fiction, I can attest that so-called Slash literature is not a popular theme. Fan fiction writers prefer writing about realistic things, like Captain Kirk teaching Anakin Skywalker about respect by backhanding him senseless. If this blog—which is one of the web’s finest repositories of superior-quality Star Trek fan fiction—is any indication, then Star Trek Slash literature does not exist save in the Slate.com author’s demented mind.
The writer mentions that William Shatner, history’s greatest living actor, is offended by the idea of Slash literature because he takes it personally. As well he should! He brought Captain Kirk to life and no Slate writer has the right to degrade that character by a) calling him a gay and b) talking about him in an article with the word ‘Skywalker’ in its title. I take it personally too because I am William Shatner’s #1 Fan. How many hot space babes did Captain Kirk make out with? Probably millions. He even made out with Uhura, the lucky S.O.B. Slate.com obviously needs to start checking its facts. Mr. Sulu is gay. Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock are not.
Slate.com should remember that they are part of the Microsoft web family and Microsoft is the official software choice of the United Federation of Planets and the I Hate Star Wars Club Official Blog. Not that it’s needed, since no one wants to read the boring political blather their site is filled with, but I am calling for an official boycott of Slate.com until they publish a correction and an apology for their libelous defamation of Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock.
posted by William Shatner's #1 Fan @ 9:12 PM
88 comments
88 Comments:
What a perverted filthy article. Luke having sex with his father? A disabled man? Get real. This is where those thoughts of deviance come from.
Actually, if you'd bothered to do a little research, you'd know Luke was married to Mara Jade. Has a son, and is far from gay. Idiots.
You must have your head in the sand up to your ankles. There is a ton of slash fic about Kirk and Spock. That's actually where the slash genre got its name.
No slash fic? You're funny.
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