Weekend Post #27: The Star Wars Curse pt 4

One Day, Samuel L Jackson wanted to get some acting work. He went to an audition for a role in a shaving cream commercial. He knew that his work in Star Wars might hinder him efforts to secure the part, but he was competent that his shaving expertise, gained only after years of shaving his head, would help overcome the Star Wars abyss on his resume. He arrived at the audition and handed his resume to the director.

“Wow, you’ve been in lots of good movies,” said the director. “However, I’m afraid you’re not qualified to be in this commercial because you appeared in Star Wars. Get out of my office.”

“Come on man, give me a chance,” said Samuel L Jackson.

The director shook his head. “I don’t hire people who were in Star Wars. Just ask Natalie Portman!”

“I can explain the Star Wars thing,” said Samuel L Jackson. “I’ve got a good excuse.”

The director laughed. “This should be good. There is no excuse for starring in Star Wars. But please, enlighten me to what you could possibly have been thinking!”

“All right, here’s the thing,” said Samuel L Jackson. “I was drunk. And I mean DRUNK! I woke up behind a soundstage on the Skywalker Ranch sometime in July 2005 and realized that I had starred in three Star Wars movies. I’ve never even seen the motherf*ck*rs but I hear they’re terrible.”

The director nodded. “You’re right about that. They were terrible. Regardless of how sad your story is, you still starred in Star Wars and—drunk or not—I can’t give you the part in this commercial. I mean, you’re the guy who said, ‘It’s over, Dooku’ in Star Wars II.”

“Sh*t! I said that? I have no memory of that sh*t. Besides, I’m also the guy who said, ‘Royal with Cheese’ in Pulp Fiction. Don’t forget that!”

The director chuckled as he remembered the scene. “That’s true. That was a good line. But I’m sorry, Sam, I just can’t do it. People would talk.”

“I used the same soap you did and my towel doesn’t look like a maxi pad!”

The director shook his head and smiled. “Nice try, Sam. It’s not going to work.”

“And you will know my name is the Lord, when I lay my vengeance upon you.”

“All right. You got me. The part is yours.” The director shook Samuel L Jackson’s hand. “Just don’t ever mention Star Wars around me again.”

“Star what?” said Samuel L Jackson with a grin. “Never heard of it!”

Samuel L Jackson walked out of the audition with a smile on his face. As he turned the corner, he noticed Natalie Portman sitting on the sidewalk begging for change. She held a cardboard sign with a single line written in magic marker that read, “Unemployed Actress.”

Samuel L Jackson paused by her feet and said, “How’d you like a Lincoln?”

Natalie Portman’s eyes glowed with gratitude as she said, “Oh, yes please! I haven’t been able to find acting work in so long! I’d love five dollars!”

“Psych!” yelled Samuel L Jackson, “More like one cent!” He tossed a penny in Natalie’s tin cup and with a mighty laugh said, “Too bad you didn’t star in Pulp Fiction. Maybe you could have broken the Star Wars Curse too!”