Weekend Post #18: The Trouble With Sithlord

Hey club members. Some of you may have noticed that my arch nemesis, Sithlord, has returned to terrorize this community. Thankfully, I Hate Star Wars Club member, The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan, has laid the smack down on this jerk in the comments section. Sithlord made a feeble attempt to write a story that mocked Star Trek, but The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan beat him at his own game by writing an excellent story that probably scared him away for good. Just in case Sithlord is dumb enough to return, I am going to add to The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan’s story to teach this Star Wars goon what will happen to him if he ever shows up here again!

Here's the original story:
SithLord said...
Once The #1 Fan of William Shatner's #1 Fan went to a Startrek convention. When he tried to leave, his car wouldn't start. A Minok was sucking the power out of his battery. Take that b*tch!

The Fan Formerly Known as the #1 Fan of William Shatner's #1 Fan said...
Then a tribble came along. At first sight of it the minok cowered in terror. The tribble didn't have a chance to utter “Whatever, Sucka!” because the minok had fled in terror.

The Fan, who had witnessed everything, now heard the gentle purr of a motor and turned around.

"It looks like you could use a lift. Hop in." It was the Shatmeister, coming to the rescue once again.

This is where I conclude the story:
As the Shatmeister and The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan drove home, the Shatman unexpectedly stopped the car.

“What’s going on?” asked The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan, “Why are we stopping?”

“Business” said the Shatmaster with a grin. “This is Sithlord’s house. You and I are going to teach this punk a lesson.”

“Excellent!” said The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan.

The Shatinator and The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan walked up to the house and peered in the window. They saw Sithlord playing with an Anakin Skywalker dolly. He was changing it into different outfits and baby talking to it. “Who’s da cutest wittle sith lord in the galaxy-walaxy? You are Ani-poopkins! Yes you are! Yes you are!”

“This makes me sick!” said The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan. “Let’s kick his ass!”

“Don’t worry,” said the Shatnaholic. “We will kick his ass. And we’ll do it with Shatner style!”

William Shatner and The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan gave each other a high five and walked into the house.

When Sithlord saw them coming he started to cry like a little girl. “Do what you will with me, but please don’t hurt my Anakin Skywalker dolly!” he begged.

The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan took the dolly and started to twist its head off. Sithlord could only cry harder.

The Shatmaestro put his hand on the dolly to stop The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan from twisting off the head. “What did I tell you? We’re stomping ass, Shatner style!” He took the dolly from The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan and snapped it in half between his mighty fingers.

“No!” cried Sithlord. “Only my Darth Maul dolly is supposed to break in half!”

“Shut up.” said the Shatador. “I understand you’ve been posting hateful comments on the I Hate Star Wars Club blog.”

“No, sir!” said Sithlord.

The Shatnaholic yelled, “Don’t lie to me!” and backhanded Sithlord knocking three teeth from his mouth. “Next time you lie to me, I’ll be forced to use my right hand!” Sithlord cowered in fear.

“We don’t want to see you on the I Hate Star Wars Club blog again!” said The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan.

“I’m so sorry!” cried Sithlord. “I swear I’ll never do it again.

“You’d better not,” warned Shatster, “or I’ll…” he gestured as if he was about to backhand Sithlord again. “Come on, The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan, let’s get out of here. Let the baby Star Wars goon cry.”

The GrandShat and The Fan Formerly Known as The #1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan walked out of Sithlord’s house and got back into the car. Sithlord had learned his lesson. He never bothered the I Hate Star Wars Club blog again.