Weekday Post #38: Young Captain Kirk?

A lot of I Hate Star Wars Club members have emailed me wanting to know what I thought about the new Star Trek movie featuring a young Captain Kirk. I have been thinking about it a lot recently. (I didn’t sleep at all last night because I was so excited about the movie so I’m very tired today. Forgive me if this post doesn’t make a lot of sense.)

I am an active member of the campaign to Bring Back Kirk so I am obviously thrilled to see his character return—though this isn’t exactly what we had in mind. The tale of Captain Kirk’s experiences at the Star Fleet Academy will be fascinating, but we were hoping that Paramount would repent for the ignoble and humiliating way that they killed Captain Kirk in Star Trek: Generations. Sadly, it appears that we will now have to wait until Star Trek XII to discover the true cause of Kirk’s death. (It sure as hell wasn’t falling off a cliff!)

I have another significant problem with relating the story of a youthful Captain Kirk. William Shatner is 75-years-old and despite his phenomenal acting abilities, he may not be able to realistically portray a 20-year-old man. This means that Paramount pictures would have to cast someone else in the role, which as far as I’m concerned is heresy. Besides, what actor would be foolish enough to take a role that gives the critics ample opportunity to ruthlessly compare him to our generations’ greatest living actor, William Shatner? Messing up this role would be a guaranteed career killer!

Still, I can’t help but be overjoyed by the news of a new Star Trek movie. Even though a different actor will be portraying Kirk, I believe that iconic character’s return to the screen will help the mindless sheep that paid hard-earned money to see Star Wars realize the error of their ways. Captain Kirk is the very definition of cool and no one who sees him in a film will ever want to watch a loser like Hayden Christensen in a film again. Star Trek XI (with a little help from this humble blog) could finally mark the end of the pathetic Star Wars franchise!