Weekday Post #39: A Fan Club of My Own

An I Hate Star Wars Club Member recently left a comment on this blog praising me for my impressive victories in the fight against the Star Wars scourge. The comment was left anonymously, but the I Hate Star Wars Club Member did identify himself (or herself, I hope!) as “#1 Fan of William Shatner’s #1 Fan.”

I suppose that a fan club developing for me was inevitable. This blog is enormously successful and I am a charismatic individual with just enough enigmatic traits to keep the masses guessing about my personality. While I am flattered by the attention, I must insist that you disband “William Shatner’s #1 Fan Fan Club” and focus your attentions and efforts wholly on the I Hate Star Wars Club, for it is greater than any one man—even me.

In this matter, I look to the master himself, William Shatner, as my example. He does not demand a fan club to heap praise upon him. He simply and humbly works to change the world and to eliminate Star Wars. Whether anyone notices his efforts or not is of no concern to him. He fights for principle and to truly please him, I must do the same.

I am not writing this blog for fame or money. I will never write a tell-all autobiography or authorize a television movie-of-the-week based on my life story because I want people to focus on the mission of destroying Star Wars, not on the humble father of the movement. To all my many fans, let me say that I appreciate your kind words, but if you really want to honor me, tell a friend that Star Wars sucks. A personal fan club would bring me a fleeting happiness but a Star Wars fan forsaking his or her Star Wars DVDs and casting them into the fire gives me joy unbounded.