Weekend Post #30: Obese Star Wars Goons
Last night when I was riding the subway, I saw a big fat guy wearing a Star Wars t-shirt with an oversize picture of Darth Maul on it. His hideous man-boobs were distorting Darth Maul’s horns and face into a disgusting sagging fold of belly fat. I knew that the only reason this man wanted to be obese was so he could keep wearing the Darth Maul shirt, which would have hung like a beach towel off a normal sized person.
I knew this man needed my help, but he was so involved with his iPod (which undoubtedly was playing some horrendous John Williams score) that he didn’t even acknowledge me when I tried to get his attention. Realizing that the situation called for drastic measures, I clenched my ass cheeks and pushed out an unnaturally foul bit of flatulence. I wanted to make the man’s shirt stink so much that in the future that he wouldn’t want to wear it anymore and would switch to Star Trek uniforms. Unfortunately, the train already smelled so strongly of various scatological aromas that my powerful fart went largely unnoticed, save by the old lady who hit me with her umbrella and called me a pig.
Sadly, the gargantuan Star Wars goon got off at the next stop before I could even speak to him. If we ever chance to meet again, I swear that I will help him. As a large man myself, I can testify that Federation Star Fleet Attire looks much better on an oversize body than stupid Star Wars T-shirts!
posted by William Shatner's #1 Fan @ 10:16 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
Stop telling people that they have to dress up for what you like, you are so sick that it is incredible!
Having been to both Star Trek and Star Wars conventions - I can categorically say that there are more fat wankers that like Star Trek than Star Wars.
I got a great idea...why not go home and stroke your plastic Spock ears. I believe that it is safe to say that you probably look like a combination of Baron Harkonnen and Bluto from Popeye; drinking Ensure from a trough and having a Sulu look-a-like pick at your zits.
Blogger Shatner Sucks said...
"I got a great idea...why not go home and stroke your plastic Spock ears. I believe that it is safe to say that you probably look like a combination of Baron Harkonnen and Bluto from Popeye; drinking Ensure from a trough and having a Sulu look-a-like pick at your zits"
Are you looking in the mirror and pulling one off again?
Naughty, Naughty . . . . . .
If the owner of this blog COULD find his to give a wank I would be amazed. Even Scotty couldn't get a lock on that floating spud.
Star Wars forever, you damn trekkie! Darth Vader could put the entire Borg collective into a vice-grip with his mind! I'd like to see your Captain Kirk beat any Jedi in a fight. I dare you to defend yourself against my blatant insult of your pathetic Star Trek. Because if there's one group of people who hate trekkie bitches more than anyone else, it's the Star Wars fans.
You are all nerds, seriously, one flick of Harry potters wand and you're royally fucked
It's comical to see all the stupid people dance to the music of our pied piper (Mr. Shatner fan). How sad it is that people struggle to detect any hint of sarcasm and satire -- they merely react.
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