Weekend Post #9: The Trouble With Tribbles pt 3

One day, Anakin Skywalker walked into a space bar. He anxiously looked over his shoulder to make sure he wasn’t followed and then he nervously walked around the bar, cautiously eyeing everyone inside. After thoroughly examining the entire building, Anakin wiped the sweat from his brow allowed his tense muscles to relax. He knew he would be safe here—there were no tribbles inside.

After taking a few minutes to muster his courage, Anakin walked up to the bartender and demanded a free beer.

The bartender said, “I’m sorry sir, but you’ll have to pay for your drink just like everyone else.”

Anakin yelled, “Don’t you know who I am? I’m the toughest Sith in the galaxy! You better give me a free beer or I’ll cut your head off with my lightsaber!”

The bartender yawned. “Sith are pansies,” he said. “Pay for your beer or get out.”

Anakin’s face turned bright red. “I want a free beer! Don’t underestimate my powers!”

Suddenly, a shrill shriek echoed throughout the bar. “Whatever, SUCKA!” Anakin trembled at the familiar words.

Standing in the doorway of the bar was a tribble. Anakin quickly said, “Hey, I’m not looking for trouble. I just want a free drink and I’ll be on my way.”

Of course, the tribble was too smart to fall for Anakin’s lies. He leapt through the air to stomp Anakin’s ass with a jump kick. Anakin just smiled wickedly as he watched the tribble fly through the air.

The bartender yelled to the tribble, “Don’t! It’s a trap!” but it was too late. When the tribble was close enough, Anakin threw a bag over him and quickly closed it with a knot.

“Ha ha, tribble!” said Anakin, “I have you now!” He slammed the bag hard on the counter and laughed as the tribble squealed in pain. “How do you like having your ass stomped, tribble?” He slammed the bag again. “Now you know how I feel!”

The bartender started to yell, but Anakin interrupted him. “Me and this tribble aren’t finished!” He held the bag out and let it dangle from his hand. “We’re going to have some fun before this night ends, aren’t we tribble.” He jabbed the bag with his lightsaber, his finger hovering over the on button. “You’d like me to push it, wouldn’t you, tribble. You’d like me to turn the lightsaber on and end all of your suffering right now. But you’re not going to be so lucky; no quick death for you, I’m afraid.” He raised the bag high over his head, preparing to slam it on the counter again.

A distinctive and noble voice suddenly silenced the bar. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?”

Anakin turned and saw Captain James T. Kirk standing in the bar’s doorway. “I’ve got no quarrel with you, Kirk,” he said. “This is between me and the tribble.”

“You will address me as Captain Kirk,” growled the mighty hero, “and if you’ve got a problem with the tribble then you’ve got a problem with me. Untie the bag, and let the tribble go.”

Anakin began to nervously shake. “You don’t understand, Captain Kirk. This tribble has beat me up two times!”

Kirk burst out laughing. “Then you must be a sissy! Tribbles can’t beat up anybody, they’re just little balls of fur!”

“Don’t call me a sissy,” whined Anakin. “I’m a really tough Sith Lord.”

Kirk marched up to Anakin without a word and backhanded him.

Anakin fell to the ground and started to cry. “You didn’t have to hit me so hard!”

Kirk stood over Anakin’s cowering body and said, “You thought that was hard? Release the tribble or I’ll give you a taste of my right hand!”

“Have a taste of my lightning hands!” yelled Anakin and he zapped the captain with a Sith lightning bolt.

Captain Kirk chuckled. “That tickles a little bit. I wish I had lightning hands. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to make due with my lighting box.” He whipped out his phaser and blasted Anakin with it. Anakin girlishly shrieked in fear before collapsing into the fetal position.

Captain Kirk stepped on Anakin’s quivering body as he picked up the bag and freed the captive tribble. “Are you okay, little friend?” he asked. The tribble purred contently in Kirk’s hand. Kirk turned to Anakin. “Get up,” he commanded.

“I can’t!” cried Anakin. “You almost killed me! Just leave me alone and go away. I’ve learned my lesson.”

Kirk kicked Anakin in the guy. “Stop whining! I didn’t almost kill you, the phaser was set to stun! You’ve learned your lesson when I say you’ve learned your lesson!”

“Okay,” said Anakin as he hesitantly pushed himself up, “but just keep that tribble away from me.”

“Actually,” said Kirk, “I think that I’m going to let the tribble have his revenge since you kept him tied up in the bag.”

“NO!” cried Anakin, “Anything but that!”

“Whatever, SUCKA!” yelled the tribble and he jumped down and stomped Anakin’s ass.

Kirk bellowed in laughter. “You really are a sissy! Look everyone, the tribble is kicking his ass!”

Anakin didn’t know if the tears streaming down his cheek were from the embarrassment of everyone in the bar laughing and pointing at him or from the pain of the tribble holding him in an unbreakable headlock.