Weekday Post #55: Star Wars goon, Busted!

Yesterday, I was bored out of mind at work (as usual) when something very interesting happened. I was going through my little telemarketer routine and suddenly the girl I called said, “Star Wars should die and I hope Star Trek lives forever.” I immediately recognized this as a bastardization of the DaShatner Code, which I had developed as a way for I Hate Star Wars Club members to communicate with me when I call them. Through the DaShatner Code, I had spoken with thousands of I Hate Star Wars Club members and none of them had ever had any difficulty saying the code perfectly. Knowing that the only people who were stupid enough to forget the simple code were Star Wars goons, I immediately became suspicious.

I decided to offer another test, just in case the person I called had recently converted to the I Hate Star Wars club after a lifetime of Star Wars goonery and therefore not had ample time for her brain cells to redevelop. I said, “My favorite character on Star Trek is Captain Kirk’s Science Officer, the Romulan, Mr. Spock.”

The caller responded, “Me too. I love that guy.”

I started to laugh at her foolishness. I had weaved an intricate web, and the Star Wars goon had irreversibly trapped herself. “Mr. Spock was a Vulcan, not a Romulan,” I said with glee.

She quickly stammered, “Uh… oh yeah, that’s what I meant. Yeah for the I Hate Star Wars Club! Say, I’d like to come and visit you. Where do you live?”

“Sorry, Star Wars goon,” I cried, “but I’m too smart for that trap. Your feeble attempt to discover my identity has failed.” I paused for dramatic effect before menacingly whispering, “Just as Star Wars shall fail!”

My manager, an admitted Star Wars goon, happened to walk by my cubicle at this point so I was written up again, but even that couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. I must admit that the Star Wars goons’ earlier assault on my family had left my confidence somewhat shaken, so directly thwarting a goon’s plans gave me a much needed self-esteem boost. Unfortunately, my manager says that posting customer names and telephone numbers online is a terminable offense, so I must content myself by simple saying, “Nice try C.B. from Rexburg, Idaho.”