Weekday Post #49: My Brother the Judas pt 1

As the title of this blog indicates, my brother has betrayed me. I’ve always known that he didn’t share my dedication to the I Hate Star Wars Club, but I never expected him to turn against me so completely. The betrayal happened long ago, but I only discovered it last weekend when my mom and I drove to upstate New York to visit his family and help with the preparations for their new baby. I felt a dreadful premonition about the trip from the very beginning, but my mom said that I had to go.

First off, I should say that I’ve always had problems with his family; I just didn’t want to mention them in this public forum because I didn’t want to embarrass him. However, his traitorous actions have released me from any binding family loyalty and I am therefore free to openly discuss my grievances. I would post his name and address on this blog so that I Hate Star Wars Club members could write him condemning letters, but regrettably, he shares my last name and any revelation of his identity risks revealing mine. Due to the constant threat of the Star Wars militia, I simply cannot afford to take that risk.

Therefore, allow me to digress from my point to state a grievance that I have carried in silence for far too long. For years, his bratty little boys have called me “Fat Uncle” because his wife’s brother is a personal trainer and is very muscular and lean. Of course he gives my brother’s family free training sessions so they’re all thin, but has he ever offered free work out help for me? Never in a way that wasn’t preceded with some derogatory comment about how I needed to lose weight. Besides, I work 40 hours a week! Between my sucky job and the work required to maintain this humble blog, I don’t have a lot of time for extracurricular activities like hanging out with a bunch of meatheads at the gym all day as he does.

Back to the topic at hand. On Friday night, my mom and I arrived at my brother’s house. Once my brother finished unloading the car, I decided that I wanted to watch Star Trek: Nemesis. I went downstairs to his home theater and opened up his DVD cabinet. I knew that he owned a copy of Star Trek: Nemesis because I bought it for his family for Christmas last year, yet I couldn’t find it anywhere. In fact, I couldn’t find any of the Star Trek movies I had bought for him over the years.

I marched upstairs to the dining room where everyone was chatting. Though I already suspected the worst, I explained the situation calmly and politely asked where his Star Trek DVDs were. He said that he had loaned them all to a friend for the weekend. I asked where the friend lived so that I could go get them. My brother stammered because he knew I had caught him in a lie but my mother tried to cover for him by telling me to skip Star Trek tonight and “visit with the grownups for once.”

I really hate when my mom uses that condescending tone with me like I’m some kind of kid. I said, “I watch a Star Trek movie every Friday night and I am not breaking that tradition now. I’m going to get those movies, tell me where your friend lives.”

My brother started telling some b.s. story about how the friend was watching a Star Trek marathon and I shouldn’t interrupt him. I told him that I was willing to only pick up one of the earlier movies that the “friend” had already finished watching. My brother kept on insisting that I leave the mysterious friend alone. Finally my sister-in-law jumped in and said, “We sold all the Star Trek movies on eBay months ago. We didn’t want to tell you because we knew you’d freak out. So will you please just chill?”

I glared at my brother. “You lied to me? How could you sell them? Those movies were all gifts from me!”

He glanced at his wife, as if he wanted her to continue doing the talking for him, but she kept silent. He said, “We just didn’t ever watch them. I’m sorry that I sold your Christmas presents, but no one here is that big of Star Trek fan.”

My mother again tried to get me to forget the matter and sit down with everyone but I was too pissed off for that. I demanded my brother’s video rental card and immediately went to the nearby Blockbuster to rent Star Trek: Nemesis. I ignored everyone for the rest of the night while I watched my movie. I couldn’t imagine how the weekend could possibly get worse. Little did I know that my brother’s treachery was like an onion; I had only peeled the outer layer. The dark secret at the core of his soul was still hidden, but not for long.

To be continued…