Weekend Post #12: William Shatner’s #1 Fan’s Great Parenting Advice… For Boys

I’d be lying to you if I didn’t admit right off the bat that raising boys is hard. Parenting boys presents a special challenge because they are naturally attracted to Star Wars because of the lightsabers. Not only do their immature minds believe that lightsaber fights are “cool,” they are also attracted to them because of the shiny colors and especially their shape. I took a semester of psychology forever ago when I was a student at Borough of Manhattan Community College, and I learned that young men who are discovering their sexuality are attracted to phallic symbols such as cigars, bananas, and lightsabers. If Freud were alive today he would probably go nuts (pun intended) over the perverse mano y mano fights using phallic weaponry that George Lucas flagrantly displays in each of his Star Wars films. Speaking of which, how many people handled Luke Skywalker’s lightsaber? His best friend (Han Solo), his dad (while wearing a black S&M costume), and a weird old man who lives alone in the desert. SICK!!

Boys need a hero to emulate and that hero should obviously be Captain Kirk. While Captain Picard is also a noble man, boys will be able to associate more with Kirk because he was action-orientated while Picard preferred sticking his nose in a book. Now, don’t get me wrong, I support reading, especially of Star Trek novels and this humble blog. However, reading isn’t going to teach our boys the skills they need to survive in a world full of Star Wars goons. Kirk is the perfect example for young men because not only did Kirk make out with any woman he wanted, he kicked ass whenever someone picked a fight with him. This will help the next generation of Star Trek fans learn to defend themselves against cruel high school bullies who want to beat them up just because they love Star Trek. It will also help them realize that they don’t need to be afraid to ask girls on dates because Captain Kirk, their role model, never feared a woman.

Emulation of the other great Star Trek heroes will come in time, but during their formative years, it is imperative that the majority of their attention be directed to Kirk. Only by doing so can we ensure that Star Trek will continue to be a viable franchise and lifestyle choice throughout the next millennium.