Weekday Post #31: My Life’s Mission

I’ve gotten several emails this week from I Hate Star Wars Club members who were worried about my emotional well-being after reading last week’s feature, William Shatner’s #1 Fan’s Great Parenting Advice. Some eagle-eyed readers thought they detected a hint of poignancy in those posts. I went back and reread them and realized that I may have given the impression that I was sad about my two siblings having children while I am single and live with my mom.

To answer the question that so many of you have asked, I suppose I am a little sad about my situation. I do think it would be wonderful to share my life with someone who shared my loves (Star Trek) and my hates (Star Wars). However, I am not so desperate to be with someone that I am willing to compromise my values by romancing someone who can only meet me halfway in my goal of destroying Star Wars.

I don’t normally like to divulge personal information on this blog, but I will make an exception to share an example from my romantic life. The last girl I “dated” claimed to be a Star Trek fan, yet on the third date she suggested that we do something else besides watch a Star Trek movie. I’m an all-or-nothing kind of guy and I refuse to give up my nightly ritual for any girl. Not only that, but she also thought it was gross that I farted any time someone mentioned Star Wars. Even though I explained to her why I did it, she still told me to stop if I wanted a good night kiss. Any chick that thinks I will discard my integrity because of temporary physical pleasure is not the chick for me.

So please do not worry about me. I am happy in my life because I have a mission: Destroying Star Wars. A woman in my life would only distract me from that noble purpose. Just as monks and priests must remain celibate to bring about a greater good, so it seems, must I. When the higher goal is completed and Star Wars is nowhere to be found on the Earth, then, and only then, will I take a wife.