Weekend Post #5: Good Night and Good Riddance to Star Wars

Last night my mom checked out a DVD from the grocery store. It always annoys me when she does that because she wants to watch the movies on the TV which means I have to watch my Star Trek DVDs on my computer which sucks because I like to sit on the couch to watch them and not the folding chair in my bedroom. But last night’s movie made me particularly angry because she rented Good Night and Good Luck. I hate black and white movies. I thought the movie was from 1902 or something but mom told me it was made last year and they made it black and white on purpose. What the hell is that about? Who wants to watch a movie like that? If Technicolor was good enough for Star Trek: TOS, then it’s good enough for everyone else too.

I watched about three minutes before I was so bored that I wished I could just die. I tried to tell mom how much it sucked and that she was wasting her time but she told me to quit whining and go play on my stupid blog if I was so bored. I hate when she talks to me like I’m a kid. I’M A GROWN MAN, MOM!

Despite how much the movie sucked, I did get a very good idea from it. Some guy was asking everybody if they had ever been a communist and if they lied and said they hadn’t he laid the smack down, Shatner-style. Suddenly I realized that that would be a great way of identifying Star Wars fans! So here’s the plan: All of the I Hate Star Wars Club members should ask everyone they meet, “Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Star Wars fan club?” Keep in mind that if they say no, they may be lying because they are so embarrassed. Use your gut instinct to determine if the person is telling the truth or not.

Once you have identified Star Wars fans, tell them about how much that movie sucks and how much happier they could would be if they watched Star Trek instead. Refer them to this blog so they can learn for themselves how they’ve been wasting their lives on a stupid movie. They’ll be really grateful to you for helping them out. And you’ll be grateful to George Clooney for helping us to realize a great idea for identifying and neutralizing our enemies.