Weekend Post #3: Lifetime Achievement Award

Hey everybody. Today, I’d like to clarify my earlier post about the Academy Awards. I think it sounded a little friendlier towards the Oscars than I intended it to. True, they have consistently ignored Star Wars throughout that franchise’s long history, but they have also, for reasons known only to them, ignored Star Trek. William Shatner starred in six Star Trek movies and stole the show in one more (He was ten times better than Picard in Generations!) So, it’s logical (as the Vulcans would say) to assume that Mr. Shatner should have seven gold Oscar statues for best actor. Yet, he doesn’t have seven statues. In fact, he doesn’t have any. How could this be? His performance was amazing in each installment of the series. He completely embodied the character. Isn’t that kind of performance the very definition of “Best Actor?”

I’ve always assumed that the Academy ignored Star Trek because they mistakenly grouped it into the “Sci-Fi” category with Star Wars. Not to mention the fact that those elitist movie snobs wouldn’t have the first clue about what makes a good movie. They are the same idiots who gave best picture to Gladiator, a movie that takes place in the past instead of the future. (YAWN!) Thanks Academy, there’s nothing like going to the movie theater for a history lesson! Ha! Don’t make me laugh. And quite frankly, how could you even consider another movie for best picture just two short years after Star Trek: Insurrection came out? That film was a masterful update to the legendary quest for the Fountain of Youth and should have set the standard by which all movies could be judged. But apparently, the subtlety and grace of a star ship battle is lost on those who are easily distracted by ridiculously clumsy sword fighting.

And let’s not even talk about Shakespeare in Love, the movie that “beat” Insurrection the year it was released. I couldn’t even understand what they were saying because they used Olde-Timey English. Only the Academy could love a movie that’s one part history lesson, one part linguistics lesson, and one million parts boring. We don’t need to care about William Shakespear anymore because our generation has a new literary genius and his name is Gene Roddenberry. Give me a movie called Gene Roddenberry in Love (about how Gene Roddenberry gave Star Trek as a gift of love to the world) and I’ll care, but Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet? Yeah right! My junior high English teacher made me watch the movie and it sucked. Who cares about the historical reasons that Shakespeare wrote it?

Shall I go on? Do I need to describe the injustice of a stupid musical beating Star Trek: Nemesis for best picture? Or shall I tell how a bunch of midget actors with hairy feet stole the special effects prize from Nemesis’s Romulan ships, which have cloaking technology that allows them to disappear completely from the screen? Obviously, there is a gross injustice and Star Trek fans have kept silent for far too long.

It’s time for the Academy to fix this. Despite our best efforts, William Shatner may never again have the opportunity to star in a Star Trek film. This year, the Academy gave a lifetime achievement award to the guy who made MASH. This proves that the Academy for Motion Pictures is willing to give awards to TV shows. Star Trek, on the other hand, was both a movie and a TV show so William Shatner deserves a lifetime achievement award twice as much as whoever Robert Altman is. I looked him up on imdb and all he has directed are a bunch of movies that nobody I know has ever seen. But when I looked up William Shatner, I was proud to discover that I have not only seen but I also own everything in his list. Obviously, he has had the greater cultural impact.

Now don’t get me wrong. I don’t mean to badmouth Mr. Altman. He’s never made a Star Wars movie so he can’t be as bad of a director as George Lucas. All I’m saying is that if a nobody like him can win a lifetime achievement award, how much more does an American hero like William Shatner—who has positively affected the lives of everyone on Earth—deserve one?

Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences, consider this your wake up call. It’s time to atone for your mistakes. All we’re asking is that you give William Shatner the award he deserves to have. This blog serves as an online petition. I want every lover of great cinema to sign in the comments section below to let the film snobs know we’re not going to take their crap anymore. They may have tried to ignore William Shatner, but let’s see them ignore the unified voices of his billions of fans!