Weekend Post #4: I'm Going to Meet William Shatner!!

This blog was created for the purposes of convincing the world that Star Wars is a terrible movie. I didn’t intend to use this forum to promote Star Trek, but sometimes, something so cool happens in the Star Trek Universe that I can’t restrain myself from writing. Today is one of those days.

I highly doubt that it will be news to any of the readers of this blog that the History Channel is airing a documentary tonight called, “How William Shatner Changed the World.” The show is going to rock and will totally validate what I’ve been saying for year—that William Shatner is the most important figure in human history. Just as Captain Kirk sets his phaser to stun, I’ve set my VCR to record!

This documentary is connected to the Official Star Trek Convention in Las Vegas, which is celebrating Star Trek’s 40th Anniversary. Despite the frequent vocal objections of my mom, I am going to quit my job to attend the convention. (The jerks wouldn’t give me the time off, but guess what—they’re not the only telemarketing company in NYC! So who needs them?) All of you should follow my example and attend the convention by any means possible. I look forward to meeting all of my fans there and I will have my autograph pen ready.

Some of you may have noticed that the History Channel is having a contest in correlation with the documentary where one lucky fan will win the chance to meet William Shatner at the Las Vegas Star Trek Convention. Let me just remind you that none of you should be entering this contest because it will diminish my chances of meeting him. As President of the I Hate Star Wars Club, I am the most worthy to spend a day in his presence. I don’t mean to be rude here, but quite frankly, William Shatner isn’t going to care about meeting anyone else because he’s going to want to thank me personally for all the anti-Star Wars work I’ve done in his behalf. I’m sure that all of you can respect me, your leader, enough to make sure that mine is the only ballot in this contest box.

If you’re really disappointed about not getting to meet William Shatner, try going to the soup kitchen line at the unemployed actors guild to meet Hayden Christensen. He’ll get really excited because he’ll think that somebody gives a crap who he is, but what he won’t know is that you’re about to stomp his scrawny ass, Shatner-style!

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By the way, Frank Caliendo, don’t think I’ve forgotten about the insult that you paid to the billions of William Shatner fans last night on MadTV. From this point on, you’re the same as a Jedi to me, which is to say, you are a wimp and if I ever meet you I’m going to lay the smack down, Shatner-style!